The
Big Bang Theory: How to Make Friends and Annoy People
Sheldon Cooper of the CBS sitcom The Big Bang Theory
is not the type of person who has many friends. His egocentric nature,
lack of social skills and controlling eccentricities do not endear him
to many people other than the small group of friends he already interacts
with: Leonard Hofstadter, his roommate; Howard Wolowitz and Raj Koothrappali,
fellow scientists at the institute where he works; and Penny, his next
door neighbor.
In the
season two episode “The Friendship Algorithm,” however,
Sheldon attempts to expand this limited circle by adding Barry Kripke—the
obnoxious and annoying fellow scientist from Caltech. “It’s
true Kripke lacks the basic social skills that we take for granted,”
Sheldon tells his current comrades, not realizing the statement refers
as much to himself as anyone else. “But he also controls the new
open science grid computer that I need to use to run some simulations
of structure formation in the early universe.” Since Kripke only
allows his friends to use the computer, Sheldon decides to make his
move.
The first
attempt is to approach Kripke directly. “What would you say to
the idea of you and I becoming friends?” he asks him at the cafeteria.
When the response is negative, Sheldon adds, “That seems rather
short sided coming from someone who is genuinely considered altogether
unlikable.” This is obviously not going to be an easy task for
Sheldon to accomplish.
Later that
evening, Sheldon makes his second attempt by leaving Kripke a voicemail
message from home. “Barry, it was pleasant seeing you today in
the cafeteria,” he begins. “I saw that you purchased the
Chef’s Salad. Apparently you did not know that the Chef’s
Salad is kitchen trickery to utilize scrap meat. Nevertheless I hope
you enjoyed it.”
When Penny
asks Leonard what Sheldon is doing, Leonard explains that his roommate
is trying to make a new friend. Penny approves of the endeavor, even
going so far as to consider it “nice,” but Leonard sees
it differently. “Unless he makes one out of wood like Geppetto,
I don’t think it’s going to happen,” he comments.
As for how Sheldon and Leonard became friends, Leonard explains that
Sheldon had placed a flier on a bulletin board at work seeking a new
roommate. He answered it despite the fact that it contained the words
“whistlers need not apply.”
“I
assumed he was joking,” Leonard remarks when Penny questions why
he moved in anyway. “You’d be surprised how many particle
physicists have a whimsical side.” In terms of how Sheldon became
friends with Howard and Raj, Leonard just shrugs. “How do carbon
atoms form a benzene ring?” he rhetorically asks. “Proximity
and valence electrons.”
Since the
direct approach doesn’t seem to be working, the scientist in Sheldon
takes over instead. “It’s a questionnaire I devised,”
he explains to Penny of the multi-page document he later hands her.
“I’m having some difficulty bonding with a colleague at
work so I’m doing a little research to better understand why my
current friends like me.” When Penny asks if that’s really
the best way to go about making friends, Sheldon surprisingly agrees,
albeit for different reasons.
“The
social sciences are hokum,” he tells her. “But short of
putting electrodes in your brain and monitoring your response to my
companionship, this is the best I can do.”
The questionnaire
has 211 questions. “Don’t worry, in deference to you I’ve
kept them all at a high school graduate reading level,” he explains
to Penny. She again suggests that there are better ways to make friends—including
being “pleasant”—but Sheldon only responds that she
should use that theory as the subject for her essay.
The first
question asks to rate aspects of Sheldon’s personality in order
of their appeal: intelligence, ruthless attention to hygiene, playfulness
and Java-applet writing. There is also a question on what Sheldon’s
favorite amino acid is, and another that asks, “Sheldon is to
camaraderie as the space shuttle is to blank.”
“There
are a number of acceptable answers,” Sheldon explains to Leonard.
“For example C, ‘near-Earth transport,’ but certainly
not B, ‘avocado rancher.’” Sheldon is obviously not
happy with Leonard because he used a repeating pattern to answer the
multiple choice questions on the survey. “And your essay suggesting
that I’d have better luck making friends if I wait until the Cylons
take over? Please,” he frustratingly adds.
Leonard,
like Penny before him, suggests that making new friends is not an intellectual
exercise, and compares it to the time Sheldon tried to learn how to
swim by using the Internet. Sheldon objects to the comparison, insisting
that he did learn how to swim even if it was only on the floor.
“The
skills are transferable,” he explains to Leonard. “I just
have no interest in going in the water.” As for why he learned
how to swim in the first place, his response his equally direct: “The
ice caps are melting. In the future swimming isn’t going to be
optional.” The conversation does make Sheldon realize, however,
that most of the research in the field of friendship has probably already
been done, suggesting a change in tactics.
“If
you want to learn how to make friends then just go out to a coffee shop
or a museum,” Leonard counters. “Meet people, talk to them,
take an interest in their lives.” Sheldon just stares at Leonard
before responding, “That’s just insane on the face of it.”
Sheldon
instead forces Leonard to take him to the mall in order to find a book
on friendship. The sales clerk explains that the only ones they have
are for children, but Sheldon finds this acceptable. “I assume
the skills can be extrapolated and transferred,” he replies. Ironically
enough, Sheldon finds himself making a new friend at the bookstore by
following Leonard’s advice of simply talking to someone and taking
an interest them. Unfortunately, the prospective friend is a little
girl and Leonard whisks Sheldon away before anyone misinterprets his
intentions.
Sheldon
eventually purchases Stu the Cockatoo is New at the Zoo and
exclaims “I believe I’ve isolated the algorithm for making
friends” after reading it. He even goes so far as to draw a flow
chart outlining his new found theory, starting with calling Kripke on
the phone and asking, “Would you like to share a meal?”
If the response is no, the next question becomes, “Do you enjoy
a hot beverage?” A negative response to that query leads to asking
about a “recreational activity” and what type of interests
Kripke has. The flow chart then follows with “Do I share that
interest?” and if the response is again no, to repeat the question.
Sheldon
falls into an infinite loop at that point in his algorithm, but Howard
is able to come up with a solution by adding “a loop counter and
an escape to the least objectionable activity.” The recreation
that Sheldon finds least objectionable, however, is rock climbing at
an indoor facility. “What would you say is the minimal altitude
I need to achieve to cement our new found friendship?” he asks
when he sees the actual structure they are meant to climb. While Sheldon
starts off fairly well, he faints half-way up after making the fateful
mistake of looking down and realizing he is afraid of heights.
Sheldon
takes Kripke back to his apartment afterwards and finds Leonard, Howard,
Raj and Penny eating Chinese take-out. When his new-found-friend excuses
himself to the bathroom, Sheldon informs the others that he has an awkward
subject to discuss with them. “Maintaining five friendships promises
to be a Herculean task,” he confides. “So I’m going
to have to let one of you go.” Similar to a reality show that
is eliminating one of its contestants, Sheldon then turns to each of
them.
First up
is Leonard. “You are my roommate, my source of transportation
and you help me fold my sheets when they come out of the drier,”
Sheldon explains to him. “You are safe.”
Next is
Howard. “You do not have a Ph.D., your cologne is an assault on
the senses and you’re not available for video games during the
Jewish high-holidays,” Sheldon comments. “You too are safe.”
Sheldon
then makes his way to Penny, who believes that she will be the one eliminated
since she fits in with the group the least, given that she’s a
woman and non-scientist. “Everything you say is true but please
allow me to continue,” Sheldon interrupts before turning to the
remaining member of his social circle and saying, “Raj, you’re
out.” As for the reason, Sheldon explains that “while you
do provide a certain cultural diversity to an otherwise homogeneous
group, your responses to the questionnaire were truly disturbing. How
could you for a moment think that my favorite amino acid is glutamine?”
(The correct answer is lysine.)
Raj’s
time off the island of Sheldon Cooper’s friendship is short-lived,
however, as Kripke eventually reveals that he has no control over the
scheduling of the open science grid computer after all. “This
entire endeavor seems to have been an exercise in futility,” Sheldon
concludes when he learns of this fact. With the same ease and matter-of-fact
tone that he used to expel him, Sheldon again turns to his vanquished
colleague and adds, “Raj, you’re back in.”
As for
why, the reason is simple: Raj likes monkeys and Kripke doesn’t.
Anthony
Letizia (March 1, 2010)
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